oh hai.

Oh, hey guys.

Remember me?

I'm alive.

Aaaaand, I pretty much suck.

At blogging.

Really, though.

Considering, like, a year ago I was all super committed to this thing, and I fully planned on writing everyday about all of my interesting life-happenings.



What the hell happened to me?

When I first fired this thing up, inside my brain I was like this:

But inside, I was like:

("we" meaning "me"...see, this is how i talk to myself when i try to get motivated.)

Then, quite honestly, after my first couple posts I was like:

......

But no. Enough of that hogwash.

Guys, really.

I'm here.

And believe me, a lot has happened between November and now that warrants a post. I honestly don't even know where to begin. I have 6 months of bullshit, work drama, life drama, and weird stories to give you guys.

But I'm not sure...

I'm either going to relay my past 6 "dark" months to you, or just start off where I am now. I could just pick up where I am in life and carry on and you'd miss out on what happened to me.

Hell.

You decide.

I love you either way.

For now, peace out, lovers.

Hairy suspense.

So, this past Sunday I went and, for the first time in a very long time (I can't even remember how long its been), I had my hair professionally done. I decided to go because I was sick and tired of looking like a wet rat when I got out of the shower, then a dry rat when I walked out of the door for the day.

Enough was enough, damnit. I can do better than this shit.

So, I forked down $200.00 and got a wash, cut, and a body perm.

Yes, I spent that much. And yes, I'm ashamed. Don't rub it in.

I can imagine your first thought when I say that I got a body perm. Not a lot of people get perms anymore. And, not a lot of people even know what a "body" perm is, for that matter. Even my husband said:

"What the heck is a body perm?? Is that when they curl or, like, do something to your...ya know?"

All I could do was stare wide-eyed at him. And shake my head.

I would NEVER pay $200.00 for that.

But I digress...

When my stylist did my hair, which took 2 hours and smelt like ass, she informed me that I'm not able to wash my hair for three days after I get my hair done that day, because all the stinky ass chemicals that she puts in my hair need to settle. I'm thinking to myself: 

"okay, no worries, my hair will be curly--people wont really notice."

Well, it turns out that--and I didn't know this--you have to have your perm "blown out"--basically straightened with a hair-dryer after immediately after it gets done. She said that the heat helps it stay in, or whatever. Who the hell knows. So then I was informed that I get to wear it that way for the next 3 days. Lovely. So now I'm thinking: 

"Soooo basically, I still get to look like a rat."

And yes, I looked like a rat yesterday, and all day today. The best I could do was put my hair up in a pony-tail and pin my "bangs" back with a bobby-pin, but that totally didn't disguise the fact that I had a PAM factory working away on my scalp.

I guess I shouldn't complain so much because getting a perm was totally my choice. But--I'm a griper. Get used to it. And--I was expecting to leave the salon, after forking over that much dough, with some friggin curls. You should have seen the look my husband gave me when I walked out of there with flat hair.

 And, I'm nervous to finally wash my hair tomorrow morning, because what if when I finally see the results of  my perm it turns out that it looks like hell? I'll be shit-pissed angry, I'll tell you what.

If it looks like this:

or This:

or, God-forbid, This:



Someone's going to have a problem.

Me, mostly.

Are you wondering why I got a body perm? Well, I can tell you.

Before I got pregnant with my son, my hair was beautifully curly all on it's own, and--I don't care how much they say it isn't true and those who say it isn't true can go to hell--now that I had a child my hair can't hold a curl to save it's life. And I loved my curls. My hair was easy to deal with, especially when I felt like being lazy. I would just shower and let my hair dry.

Now, I actually have to do things to my hair to make it look good.

It's as annoying as fuck.

How feminine of me, no?

Anyway, that's why I got my perm.

Just so I can feel better, and feel justified, let me show you what I mean.

This is my hair a few years ago, before I got "up the spout", so to speak:

(pretty curls *sigh*)

Here is a recent picture of me, now that I've released my spawn into the world:

(nope, not a curl in sight.)

See? So, that's why I paid the money to get my curls back. My hair is also a lot longer than it was years ago, as you might be able to tell from the difference between those two pictures too. So, maybe tomorrow morning I'll end up with glorious flowing locks of brunette hair. Who knows. Time will tell.

Fuck, I'm nervous. 

Well, aren't you glad that this entire post is about my hair?

Maybe that is a little girly after all.

Well, perhaps it would help you to know that I'm sitting here typing this tonight chugging seltzer water, which makes me burp every other minute. Quite impressively, I might add. Oh, and remember, I've got greasy hair that hasn't been washed in 2 days.  

Better?

On a serious note...

I dont know what my problem has been, but in the past 24 hours I havent been able to calm myself down--not on the outside, because if you were to look at me you'd think I look like myself. But on the inside, I've felt so incredibly nervous, and it's a feeling that I can't shake. I went to bed last night with the feeling, and I woke up with it--which, by the way--waking up with a bad feeling in your head is one of the worst things ever.  I didnt feel rested, I didnt feel the usual "okay, lets get the day started!", or anything what so ever. I felt something like this:

"omgwhatsgoingoninsideofme?whydoifeelthisway?didisleep?whyamiawake?amidying?noi'mfine.noimnot.yesiam.noimnot.yesiam.ashowerwillhelp.idontfeellikeshowering.godjillgetoff
yourassandshoweryoulazyslob.omgwhatamigoingtoweartoday?ihavenothingtowearthatmakesme
lookgood.imuglyimchubbyimgettinggrayhairihavebagsundermyeyes.omglookatthetimeireallyshould
getoutofbed.whyamisostressed?isitbecausesomethingbadisgoingtohappen?omggggg.i'mgoingtodieijustknowit.crycrycry.soooob.sooob.soooooob."

And so on and so on. I'm not even kidding, this happened to me this morning. My husband was there, lying asleep next to me, and I was practically jumping out of my skin with tears pouring out of my eyes for a reason that I couldnt figure out. I did get up eventually get up and take my shower, which helped a little. I went and woke up the light of my life, my two year old son, who made me giggle with his morning greetings. Slowly throughout my day I've been feeling better, but I have to ask though...

What the fuck was that?

Like, where did all the stress come from? I wish I understood why I suddenly felt that way. It's beyond me.
Can anyone else relate?

Anyone?

i'll never understand...

It's completely beyond me how totally oblivious some people are. It honestly blows my mind. Let me just amuse you for a few minutes, and name a few things that I've seen recently, where the person should have known better, but was obviously too oblivious/stupid to either care or do any different:

Scenario 1.)
Woman in grocery store parking lot with a long bright blue windbreaker suit, a huuuuuge shiney ribbon bow literally on top of her head, with some serious pig-tails going on. Are you serious? Wait, no, yes you are serious. But I have to ask--why? Why do you own those clothes?  Did you look in the mirror before you left the house and go into the world? Oh wait, yes you did. That's the problem.

This is you, on average:

This is what you think you look like:

Sorry, but no.

Better luck next time.

Scenario 2.)
Woman driving a beat up sedan with a loose child bouncing around in the back. Please please please, buckle up your child. I couldnt care any less about you since youre obviously a selfish bitch who is too concerned about having your next cigarette. But please, if it doesnt blow your mind too much, could you try to protect your child? And for your information, second-hand smoke is just like you're giving your 2 year old a cigg.

if you do it, you might

as well give him one, too...

Scenario 3.)
Woman in line, three people behind me last night at the grocery store who obviously thought she was more important than everyone else in that massive place. Yes, we had all been waiting for 30 minutes because the cashier was slower than death and the poor fella a few people in front of me was broke and didn't know it, but---you don't have the right to plow through us, go to the customer service line and beg them to cash you out over there because you're important and have someplace to be, yada yada yada.....until they finally give in. You're honestly an impatient, selfish, snobby prude. The rest of us were thinking that, and gosh, you probably didn't even know it.

We all know that this was

hiding under your $200.00

label brand coat:

I'll leave you with these for now. Through-out my day I encountered even more things that I could blog about, but it's kind of overwhelming to bring them all to life again in one post.  I can only handle so much stupid-ness at once. Plus, who says there's a time limit on how much I can share with all of you lovely readers? There's so much more!


Let me just leave you with one more thing.

I dont think I need to say anything at all about this one, although I very much could.

But I wont.



Pity me.

Someone punch me in the face, because some people I work with are so annoying to listen to that it's seriously like hyeenas are raping my eardrums or something. Is that too vulgar?
I'm sorry, but now you know how much agony I'm in each time I'm here.
*moan*