Yowzabub.

Okay, being from Maine, I guess I'm allowed to name my post "yowzabub". I guess because only in Maine do you hear such words. Anyway, I title this post the above because really no other word quite describes how I'm feeling. It's a mixture between tired, full of energy, frustrated about the day, psyched about the weekend, and "blah". You should seriously see how I'm laying on my couch right now. Actually I take that back, you sbouldnt see how I'm laying on the couch. I wont put you through that. I have terrible posture, and this couch makes me look fat. Hey though, I'm comfortable, and yes, my husband is across the room, but God bless him he doesnt care that I'm slouching so low on this couch with the lap top on my stomach, typing away. He's just reading his book, and life is grand here in the Johnson house.

But I have crap on my mind. Not literally--gross. But have you ever had something looming...like a situation that's going on in your life that keeps bubbling up, or flying around your head like a little fly that you keep swatting away? I have a situation going on exactly like that. It's involving my in-laws.

Now, I wont get into too much detail, for confidentiality reasons--also because i value my life and if they ever found out I'm sharing my feelings about them on the interweb they might freak and try to kill me. There's just a predicament going on between me and them. My husband is caught in the middle. Also, my son is caught in the middle. It's gotten to the point now where the in-laws havent seen my son for quite a bit now, because some things have happened where I just dont think it's in his best interest. But they tend to disagree, and so on and so forth the arguement continues. My poor husband, having to stay loyal to both me and his parents, is having a rough time of it. He has to talk to them on the phone and make conversation, but I wont talk to them, because they are so difficult. If you knew the whole story I suppose it would be easier for you to understand, and not judge me for not letting my son see them, and not talking to them. But trust me--its for the best.

They are coming to my son's 2nd birthday party next week, and God help me if they make a scene...

How do I deal with difficult in-laws? Do any of you have difficult in-laws? Can anyone relate?

Oye e vay....

Stress Relief

You know, sometimes after a long day, all I want to do is sit down, relax, and find a way to relieve all of my stress. Many people would go to the gym (which I should clearly be doing, btw), or go throw a ball around, or take a drive, or whatever. Me, on the other hand....I budget. I play with numbers.

I love love love to budget. In fact, just to show you how much I love to plan where every single penny in my checking and savings account goes, here is a picture of me, preparing for my budget:

See? Its clearly obvious that my laptop and I are having a serious love affair. I'd kiss it if I wasnt afraid of ruining all of my hard work and/or getting killed by electrocution. After I took this picture I proceeded to budget for the next 2 hours. And boy to I feel fantastic. The day's worries have slid off of my sholders, it seems. I bet its because I feel like I have complete control over all of those little numbers. Like I'm squashing them between my fingers and telling them to go here and there. I dont know, maybe I sound like a complete and total lame-o, but budgetting is my thing. Everyone has their "thing."

At least I'm not pulling my hair out and six-flagging it up mood-wise anymore. I'm just fine.

Pity me.

Someone punch me in the face, because some people I work with are so annoying to listen to that it's seriously like hyeenas are raping my eardrums or something. Is that too vulgar?
I'm sorry, but now you know how much agony I'm in each time I'm here.
*moan*

shall we compare?

You have to love it when you're having a conversation with someone, and you feel like what you're saying is really important, and when you're waiting for them to respond all you get is "oh that happened to me once" and then they go on with their some-what impressive story and seem to want even more of a reaction back from you.  (holy run-on sentence btw). This just happened to me. Only it happened to me with the topic of children--my child, to be exact. I was talking about potty training. My child is turning two in a couple weeks and its about time we start to think about teaching him the potty in my opinion. But I was expressing how I was worried about time, teaching, schedule, guilt for feeling those things, etc. So what do I get for a reply? "My daughter started the potty at one and a half and picked it up so easy. It was the easiest thing ever. She was the princess of pee pee, and loved listening to me when I told her to go. Everything is perfect in my rainbow sunshine skittle unicorn world!" (Ok. That was paraphrased). But to make my point, don't throw your accomplishments in my face when I'm looking for some support. Your daughter has a bucket, my son has a fire hose. Let's compare what is easier now.
That's what I thought.

lord save me.....no, really, i'll take anything.

You know, when you become a mother, say hello to never being shy ever again. I never thought I would ever be the center of attention so much as when I have my child with me. Good lord, he squeals, and giggles, and he's as cute as a button. Most of the time. Actually almost all of the time. But on a rare occasion he can turn into the exact opposite and become a monster....you think I'm kidding? You should hear the sounds that come out of this little 2 year old. They're just not normal. And I got to experience them tonight--while I was shopping at JCPenny. Now this store is fairly quiet....actually its too quiet. All you mostly here is the "Squeeeeeek" of the hangers on the racks, followed by slight giggles from teenie-boppers as they look at graphic T's. And there I am in the middle of the store all the sudden, with monster child, who suddenly chose to release his wrath when he didn't want to sit in his stroller anymore. You could probably hear him at the other end of the mall. I don't know if the looks I got were of sympathy or pity or if they were fake smiles of "poor little guy but get the hell out of here". I had to think of something. I saw dinosaur slippers--cute right?? Whee! Yeah, that lasted 5 minutes....5 heavenly minutes. Until he threw them and the monster rose again. I started to sweat. And attempted to switch between soothing and stern looks, to see what worked better. Nothing worked, but I still had to check out. What do I do in front of every person in the store? I start singing the ABC's. And "twinkle twinkle".....I didn't care anymore. My hair was frizzy, my forehead sweaty, my child kicking and roaring and sweating himself while yelling "stop!!!" Making me look like a terrible mother, sooooo....I got rung up, payed for everything, got my dirty looks all the way out the store, and promptly---very promptly I might add, my child stopped wailing. And when I got home, I noticed they rung me up without the sale price, hence, charging me too much. On purpose because I had a 2 year old belzibub wiggling in my stroller and maybe I wouldn't notice? Who knows. All I know is that I have to go back. What the frick.

I can hardly stand it when...

I can hardly stand it when I can hardly stand it. Why do I have such a lack of patience? I'm writing this blog from work--even though I probably shouldnt be, but hey, there arent any rules saying that I shouldnt, and I do what I want. Hahaha, who am I kidding, I do what people tell me to do. I'm a complete puss. Oye. Actually, it really depends on what it is. When it comes to being at work, I'm like a robot. Of course I'll do what they say, but that's only because its my job. I'm not like some people that sit around me who consistantly rebel and pay the consiquences and then wonder what they've done to get in trouble. Dummies. But back to my original gripe. My lack of patience. I have such a severe lack of patience that at some times I feel like I need therapy. But I honestly feel like the therapy would make it worse. But then again, arent I the same as any other human being, and maybe I'm just being honest about it. Maybe I'm the only one who wants to admit that I have a patience problem, and not be snotty and think I'm the bees knees. Not like I know anyone like that or anything. My heart beats fast and I get a queasy feeling in my stomach when I get annoyed to the point where I feel like I could burst. And the thing is...I get annoyed at the littlest things. Actually, maybe they arent little things. Who am I to decide if they're little things? Here, let me let you decide:

-Smelly people
-People who dont know how to drive
-People who talk to much
-Dumb people
-People who say obvious things
-People who speak in slang
-People
-People
-People

Am I being unreasonable? Someone please save me, before I start to lose patience with myself.

Snooze button.

I only pressed mine twice this morning, but on a typical day when I can't seem to get my lazy ass out of bed, it's probably 3-4. It's gotten to the point where I set my alarm 30 min earlier, just because I know I'm a lazy individual. God, that's pathetic. Actually, ask my husband and he'll tell you how annoying it is.  I guess this could relate back to my previous post--because this is a super bad habit of mine. Yes, somehow I manage to get everything done in the morning before I leave for work, but half the time its running around squalking at everyone to hurry up, because I still need to blow dry my hair and change the baby, and we have to leave in 5 minutes. Stupid--stupid Snooze button. More like "feel-good-now-add-stress-and-terror-30-minutes-later" button. The beautiful feelings I get from "Ahh, 10 more minutes" are crap. This is a habit I need to kick, instead of my husband rolling over and kicking me.

Old habits die....never.

Really though. I have so many bad habits I can't even begin to name them all. For example, let's just ramble about one-- trying to figure out ways to better my life, but never following through with the ways I come up with. Yeah, real dependable. Call it "self commitment" issues. Almost like I'm afraid to try something new. Like maybe I'll break up with myself and I'll be like "it's not you, it's me" and my idea will be one big fail boat. I should seriously grow a pair and just try new things, and instead of living in my own little comfortable world of turkey sandwiches and triscuts....I should be trying foods I cant pronounce. All of this would better my life, because feeling more open to the world is liberating. It makes you feel free. I know because I tried a piece of squid once....ask my college roommate, she was there. It only took me a 1/2 hour to get myself to eat it, but once I did, boy, was I a baller. Sure, my roommate had a plate and I squeezed down one bite and managed not to hurl, but I tried it. I should do more things like that. Fuck spaghetti, lets have, uhm.... instead. So....I'm sort of now wondering how this post about habits sort of became about food. Well, more like, daring myself to try new things, but in the sense of eating new food? Why is it always food with me, damnit? I bet I know, come to think of it. I'm sitting here waiting for my chinese food to pull into the driveway....and what did I get? The same thing I get every. single. time.

Complete lack of...what was that?

So, I guess with starting a blog, the first post seems to be a little intimidating to write. I'm kind of like, "of course I want people to follow my blog, but what if I'm a lame-o? Ya know, always writing about how lame I am?". I guess it's time to just say fuck it. Who cares. The truth of the matter is, I'm probably going to be writing about some pretty random things. I promise you I'm not a loon. Actually sorry, yes, I am a loon. I'm not legit retard-like special, but happy to be living to an extreme level that at times it frightens people. And nooooo, mother, I do not have ADD. Never did, either. So I most likely never needed those pills I took when i was little--damn happy-blockers. That explains a lot. Actually, does it? My childhood can't be explained, but I'm pretty sure that's waaaay too deep for anyone to get into for their very first post. I have to break you in slowly....