Hairy suspense.

So, this past Sunday I went and, for the first time in a very long time (I can't even remember how long its been), I had my hair professionally done. I decided to go because I was sick and tired of looking like a wet rat when I got out of the shower, then a dry rat when I walked out of the door for the day.

Enough was enough, damnit. I can do better than this shit.

So, I forked down $200.00 and got a wash, cut, and a body perm.

Yes, I spent that much. And yes, I'm ashamed. Don't rub it in.

I can imagine your first thought when I say that I got a body perm. Not a lot of people get perms anymore. And, not a lot of people even know what a "body" perm is, for that matter. Even my husband said:

"What the heck is a body perm?? Is that when they curl or, like, do something to your...ya know?"

All I could do was stare wide-eyed at him. And shake my head.

I would NEVER pay $200.00 for that.

But I digress...

When my stylist did my hair, which took 2 hours and smelt like ass, she informed me that I'm not able to wash my hair for three days after I get my hair done that day, because all the stinky ass chemicals that she puts in my hair need to settle. I'm thinking to myself: 

"okay, no worries, my hair will be curly--people wont really notice."

Well, it turns out that--and I didn't know this--you have to have your perm "blown out"--basically straightened with a hair-dryer after immediately after it gets done. She said that the heat helps it stay in, or whatever. Who the hell knows. So then I was informed that I get to wear it that way for the next 3 days. Lovely. So now I'm thinking: 

"Soooo basically, I still get to look like a rat."

And yes, I looked like a rat yesterday, and all day today. The best I could do was put my hair up in a pony-tail and pin my "bangs" back with a bobby-pin, but that totally didn't disguise the fact that I had a PAM factory working away on my scalp.

I guess I shouldn't complain so much because getting a perm was totally my choice. But--I'm a griper. Get used to it. And--I was expecting to leave the salon, after forking over that much dough, with some friggin curls. You should have seen the look my husband gave me when I walked out of there with flat hair.

 And, I'm nervous to finally wash my hair tomorrow morning, because what if when I finally see the results of  my perm it turns out that it looks like hell? I'll be shit-pissed angry, I'll tell you what.

If it looks like this:

or This:

or, God-forbid, This:



Someone's going to have a problem.

Me, mostly.

Are you wondering why I got a body perm? Well, I can tell you.

Before I got pregnant with my son, my hair was beautifully curly all on it's own, and--I don't care how much they say it isn't true and those who say it isn't true can go to hell--now that I had a child my hair can't hold a curl to save it's life. And I loved my curls. My hair was easy to deal with, especially when I felt like being lazy. I would just shower and let my hair dry.

Now, I actually have to do things to my hair to make it look good.

It's as annoying as fuck.

How feminine of me, no?

Anyway, that's why I got my perm.

Just so I can feel better, and feel justified, let me show you what I mean.

This is my hair a few years ago, before I got "up the spout", so to speak:

(pretty curls *sigh*)

Here is a recent picture of me, now that I've released my spawn into the world:

(nope, not a curl in sight.)

See? So, that's why I paid the money to get my curls back. My hair is also a lot longer than it was years ago, as you might be able to tell from the difference between those two pictures too. So, maybe tomorrow morning I'll end up with glorious flowing locks of brunette hair. Who knows. Time will tell.

Fuck, I'm nervous. 

Well, aren't you glad that this entire post is about my hair?

Maybe that is a little girly after all.

Well, perhaps it would help you to know that I'm sitting here typing this tonight chugging seltzer water, which makes me burp every other minute. Quite impressively, I might add. Oh, and remember, I've got greasy hair that hasn't been washed in 2 days.  

Better?